Mile Marker 8: It’s ok to pee your pants
Just out of curiosity, what would you say is an acceptable circumstance under which it is allowable for an adult to relieve their bladder while not in the presence of a toilet and thus directly into their undergarment? I tried to make it sound as PC as possible, but basically I am asking you if it’s ever ok for an adult to pee their pants in public? A resounding NO, would be the answer. But I have come up with a few viable exceptions:
1) If the adult is wearing a diaper. Listen, I care not to know why you are wearing the diaper. If it’s because of your older age or a medical condition you can keep that to yourself, but you do however get a pass.
2) If the adult is in a pool. I know that an adult peeing in a pool sounds inappropriate, but if you consider that kids in the pool are already doing it . . . then really, what’s the harm in adding more to the mix?!
3) If the adult is a race car driver. 500 laps around the track is quite alot. It’s not as if you can pullover at the nearest gas station and if you’re comfortable sitting in your own whiz for several hours than please be my guest.
4) If the adult is pregnant. In this case, chances are you are unaware that with the last kick to the belly from the little one inside you that you even wet your pants. Not wanting to be the one to tell you that through no fault of your own, your bladder has emptied itself, you’ve also earned a pass.
Now that we have established a precedent, we can definitively say that any other form of public pants wetting is wrong, right? (It’s times like these, I think I should have been a lawyer.)
With six weeks left until my race, I have been getting race tips and tricks galore and you can rest assured my dear readers that I will NOT, despite sage advice from veteran runners, be running while urinating myself during the half marathon no matter how many minutes I can shave off my time for doing so.